Adventures

Dear Grey, blogfa's server is still broken even after the internet has scarcely gone to normal. I'm afraid I loose this weblog and all the memories within. Well, let's not worry about this now. Yes yes I'm still obsessed with harry potter franchise and reading six of crows. I enjoy locking myself up in my room, listen to harry potter audio books and knot friendship bracelets. Now the story has reached the prisoner of Azkaban I assum things are gonna be more interesting, and I'm cracking more of the puzzles and questions in my head. Reading the book (actually listening to them being read) illuminates the correct path of the story. Now I realize why j.k Rowling is so praised, she deserved it. The story is well written and it never gets boring and each book is as good as the rest, they never decay as the story goes on. She has put her soul into seven book and through them she lives forever! Immortal, isn't she? Even lockwood and co had a bit of decaying in the third book. Still that doesn't stop me from reading it. I finally found something in my life that I can enjoy. "Books", yeah that is the new love of my life. The give the reason to live, to continue and have something to cling on when I'm sad and helpless. I dive deep into the world of fantasy and forget who I am and what I do as long as I'm reading and livin into the fantasies. I hate to live in fantasies and lie to myself but you know... now I think I desperately need it.

Last night was a tough one. I woke up in the middle of the night then I couldn't fall back to sleep. Thoughts were eating my brain and making my heart race. Thoughts about everything, past, future, present. I worry about everything. Mom is forcing me to think about marriage. I can't catch up with the life's pace and i hate it. Oh, i wish it could stop i had time to realize where i am and what to plan. I felt weak and to suffer more than this. All i wanted was... freedom, a life without worries. Well, i know it can never happen. Wanting a life without worries is like eatjng salt that doesn't tastes salty. For a moment I thought about death seriously, thinking about giving up so quickly. Not even trying to fight anymore, I found myself too tired to keep struggling. Giving up as a loser... fist clutching and hand shaking... I really thought about what I want in life: "to keep reading my books I suppose." Then I thought "yeah, if I die then I'll never read those books and never explore new worlds. So I must keep going, I know it's hard but... I have to" then tears fall on my nose bridge and my eyes started to look puffy and red. I deep down in my heart wished that life could go easy on me.