puppet
To dear grey, my one and only friend,
These days I've clearly realized that I've been living as a puppet ever since I'm born. They chose what I wore, where I went, Who I met and how I behaved. Though throughout this whole time I've been growing up with ideas which are 80% against theirs. Well, when it's something against you then the result would be the exact opposite. This sense of limitation made me sick of life, wishing everything to end soon. my own life I mean, just rewritten not getting worse. I've been living into chaos at least for more days of the week, so I'm ill-tempered. Sometimes I have mental ideas and I can't tolerate anyone. I have no sense of trust toward anybody and I have negative thoughts for people who I haven't met. These negatives thoughts won't go away until they prove the opposite of them to me, showing me that I was wrong about them. But until then, it's too late. There's no wonder I have an imaginative friend and many insecurities. I became a relentless workholic, chasing power. However, anytime I thought I got closer to my goal it felt like losing more. My blood is colder than before 2020. You've succeeded in raising a psychopath puppet. Now she even hates herself. No one, absolutely no one understands me. Whatever I say is misunderstood and used against me. I'm so dependent, coward, weak, stupid, selfish, ill-tempered, depressed, ungrateful, unworthy, introvert, lazy, gothic, childlish, illusive, reveng-loving ...
And I can't express my true feelings, just some opinions which people regularly disagree with.