Adventures

Dear Grey, recently I've been trying much harder than before. I spent much time in the library, in the anatomy museum (that's how it's called in our university). However, eventually my grade are no more than those who were having fun or laughing while I was crying while bearing too much stress and pressure. Crying that my life is not normal and I can't spend my days the way I want. I can't watch movies nor braid bracelets nor read my favorite books and... so all I am is being doomed to study day and night. It hurts so much that I believe maybe there could be something wrong with me. Maybe I am stupid and they are elites? They study less than me but they get the same grade or even better than mine. Oh, I'm gonna hate so many people from now on.

They seems to study less, but learn more. I feel the difference between us, I feel it through my bones. That's what makes a true doctor and a simple nurse. But they laugh like they're living in a world different than I am. Their happiness hurts me. They live in a different dimension than mine. They didn't experience those things I went through. That's why they're free and you're bound to the root ! That's the reason they are free but you have to pay a biiiiiig price for sitting on these chairs and breathing the air among these people and place. That's the price you pay for your stupidity. You're older than them and tied to the bound. No one will ever love you. I know you've probably lost hope in that already but what I mean is... things are gonna be harder for you.

This thing makes me sad. Sorry God, I don't wanna say "things are bad" I am pretty aware that you can make it worse but hear me out: when I feel I'm different, like when I see that I can't like people nor they would like me. I'm usually friendless and any person who I come close to turns into a monster later that makes me think that maube I'm the magnet which attracts toxic people or is it me who's the toxic one?

When I'm sad nothing can cheer me up any more. My best hobby turns into a time wasting burden, watching movies becomes boring. Food is tasteless. I don't feel hunger and I might even sleep without food. And that's a nightmare. When nothing can cheer you up, it's the end of you !