Adventures

Dear Gray, I've been surrounded by so many fake or real news which are circling around head and mind and haunting my soul. Will there be a war or not?

The exams are finally over (yay), but wait.... WAIT!!!! Before you start cheering for the end of the 3th grade finale and passing all of its exams even the ones you were so afraid of since the beginning, you must consider the fact that the end of the exams=you're on your own kid. What does this actually mean? Well, it means your NORMAL LIFE should continue after this point. But the question is what normal life? Unfortunately, I realized that am used to just think of exams and studying and when the exams are over I feel a big emptiness in my chest. I feel a big gap in my mind and heart and soul. What am I supposed to do now? Until the next exam period comes should I just stick to reading my books and watch movies? Should I sit in the corner of my room and daydream just like I did when I was 9? Thing is... I have no complaints, yeah it's fine. Reading cool books and daydreaming but life can't be a routine. Everything feels odd, it feels like I'm limited or doing wrong. My ideas and beliefs don't match my parents', we don't agree on many things. Family is like a combination of children and parents. I MEAN REAL CHILDREN, yeah those who can't tell the wrong and right apart, so parents guide them and plant their beliefs like seeds in their brains. So family can't be ADULTS living together. Because after all one person wants to take the lead, and he does it? The one who is the breadwinner. Others must obey the breadwinner at all costs. I think that I am an adult now but thanks to countries economic failures... I can't be a breadwinner for now. So I must follow even if it means suffering, even if it means prison. Marriage? No way, I can't move from one territory to another. One breadwinner to another, one boss to another. I guess at least a father is more gentle and less greedy than a husband. So I'm cool for now, even f it's like burning inside.

So having nothing important to do like exams, frees my mind and leaves me wondering what to do next. So the reality of life hits hard on my face. I feel desperate and try to distract my brain.

Odd dream: there was one guy I had a crush on in the first term, even if he is myself younger than me. I know it was so unexpected and I was foolish enough to do so. In the third term I realized that I was wrong and promised to myself to. Never have any feeling for any of my classmates, male nor female. After what they've done and shared about the "forbidding the exams". So it is over for ever but last night I realized that my brain is trying to trick me. I saw him confessing in a very beautiful tone to me. I can't remember the exact words I wish I wrote it earlier. I guess he said "I like you a lot and I can't imagine being far from you" something like that though it was more, the impact got me remember the incident. I was speechless just staring, my parents never taught me how to react when someone confessed to me. I was afraid like what should I tell my parents or I was afraid I'd lose him for being awkward and my hesitation could mean a rejection. I guess it was during REM sleep because such dreams are exaggerated. I'd vomit in reality but in dream/nightmare it was sweet and I was mesmerized. He was someone else not him exactly and I'd wish I never woke up.

I bought the last book of lockwood and co, though I hate it to end because I love the books the vibe the way it's written. I wish the story would never end :(

Tomorrow is the first day of 4th term, wish me luck :)